not sure what to think...

I have so many thoughts spinning round in my head, I'm just not sure what to do with them. Where to even start!
The last couple weekends have been pretty fabulous. Yet, equally confusing.

I've decided not to run the Seattle Half Marathon at the end of November. I think this is for the best. I'm taking some time for me. And going to the gym (or not going) with no real plan in mind. No actual training schedule that MUST be followed. I'm enjoying deciding at the last moment if I want to go for a run, or sit on my bike trainer and spin. I'm enjoying pizza and buckeyes. And sleep. Oh, I am really enjoying sleep. I've never slept this much in my life. Or wanted to sleep this much. I don't even want to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. It's not only that I don't want to do to work (because I don't) but I just want to enjoy doing nothing. And particularly because the company of friends I've been enjoying doing nothing with has been great!

I'm also trying to work on a relationship. I'm not sure it's even a "relationship" but more my interactions with someone. Someone who, the night I got back from Cali, after a few beers started telling people why I'd be such a great wife- and then naming our children. And the following weekend- after a wonderful evening at a comedy show and then some Wii and beers decides to tell me he needs to buy me a bigger vehicle to handle the rain. And the babies. I don't mind all this talk, in fact, I enjoy it. I just wish that he would just say "This is it. Let's do this. Let's be together and see how happy we can be. I know it's scary, because I know how badly we could hurt eachother because we care so much... but let's take that chance" And it will be incredible. Because we ARE so good together. Because we do care so much. It's so hard, because when we do spend time together, alone or with people, he does treat me like his girlfriend. Calls me "baby" and "honey" and holds my hand and kisses me.... for an outsider to see this they would think we were definitely together! Mixed signals. I'm trying to find that perfect balance of showing him how much I care and want to spend time with him, and not being too needy and overbearing. And all I really want right now is go to sushi this week with him.