I woke up this morning at 7:13 my heart racing, sweating, unable to catch my breath. I had just had one of the worst dreams of my life. I don't recall that I've ever had one of the 'forgot to study for a big test' or 'where are my pants???' dreams. Until now. I dreamt that I missed Ironman. I was in Idaho with my family. My mom, sister and nieces were there. For some reason I was swimming in a pool with my sister. Just doing laps (and for some reason I remember that the locker room was huge and maze-like). There was a bunch of high school aged and younger kids there too, not on a team. Just there. Swimming. I was wearing my wetsuit. I don't know why since it was an indoor pool. I think I was testing out goggles because I vaguely remember diving in and one pair suctioning to my face so tightly that I couldn't open my eyes. I found a pair that worked and as I got out of the pool I said "Alright, these are my Ironman goggles" to which someone said "You're doing Ironman next year?" I said "No, tomorrow..." And the reply I got was "It's today. It already started. 30 minutes ago. You missed it"
I ran over to the window of the pool and looked down on the lake and sure enough- the waters were churning and hundreds of people were watching. "No!!! I missed it! I'm supposed to be there. I have time! I have 2 hours and 20 minutes to do that swim, they're 30 minutes in. I can do it, I have to get there now!" But I didn't have all my gear sorted out. My bike was checked in and I was wearing my wetsuit but I didn't have all my other stuff. Sunglasses, hat, the little things that can seem like such a big deal on race morning. I had my running shoes, so I went running down to the race start- in my wetsuit. I was begging and pleading with them to let me in, showing them my athlete's bracelet that we all get a check-in. I was crying "but I've been training, I'm supposed to be there. I can do the swim in time! You have to let me in!"
I don't know if they did or not, but good grief, what a thing to wake up to on my day off. This is why I set mutiple alarm clocks!!
5/31/10
5/27/10
"are you ready?"
People keep asking me if I'm ready for Ironman. It's just over four weeks away. The truth is- I'm scared to death and I don't know if I'm ready. Everyone says "you'll do great!" "you're so ready" "you're going to kick some butt!" and while I'm sure they mostly believee it, it's also because the people I know are too nice to tell me they don't think I can do it. But, can I do it? 140.6 miles is a long way. I'm 30 years old (or will be by race morning), I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm hungry, I'm aching, I'm still hurting over an ended relationship. It's a very emotional roller coaster right now.
What if I can't do it? What if I have to drop out during the day? What if I can't finish in 17 hours? I have 9 people coming to cheer for me- tentatively call "Bri's Bunch" How will they feel if they come all that way and don't get to see me cross the finish line? I know I'll feel like I let them down. I'm pretty sure they won't feel that way, this is my family cheering for me after all- but for me, I'll have let them down.
The thing is, no one actually knows how ready I am, or not. No one trains with me. I swim alone, I ride alone and 90% of the time I run alone. No one knows how much of myself I'm pouring into each workout, how painful they all are, how frequently I break down in tears because I feel like I just can't do anymore.
Don't get me wrong, this is something i CHOSE to do, something I wanted to do... still want to do. But here I am, turning 30 and my life is nothing as I always imagined it would be. At 30, I thought I'd be living with "someone" and we'd be talking about getting a dog and where we wanted to live and perhaps kids, and I'd be hanging up my distance shoes and sticking to sprint distances so I could focus on the important things in life. And here it is, coming up on Memorial Day weekend, and what are my plans? Not see any of my friends- if I even have any left- but instead a three hour run, a six hour bike ride, a swim, a two hour bike ride, another swim. This is my life? Is it really all worth it??
What if I can't do it? What if I have to drop out during the day? What if I can't finish in 17 hours? I have 9 people coming to cheer for me- tentatively call "Bri's Bunch" How will they feel if they come all that way and don't get to see me cross the finish line? I know I'll feel like I let them down. I'm pretty sure they won't feel that way, this is my family cheering for me after all- but for me, I'll have let them down.
The thing is, no one actually knows how ready I am, or not. No one trains with me. I swim alone, I ride alone and 90% of the time I run alone. No one knows how much of myself I'm pouring into each workout, how painful they all are, how frequently I break down in tears because I feel like I just can't do anymore.
Don't get me wrong, this is something i CHOSE to do, something I wanted to do... still want to do. But here I am, turning 30 and my life is nothing as I always imagined it would be. At 30, I thought I'd be living with "someone" and we'd be talking about getting a dog and where we wanted to live and perhaps kids, and I'd be hanging up my distance shoes and sticking to sprint distances so I could focus on the important things in life. And here it is, coming up on Memorial Day weekend, and what are my plans? Not see any of my friends- if I even have any left- but instead a three hour run, a six hour bike ride, a swim, a two hour bike ride, another swim. This is my life? Is it really all worth it??
5/24/10
where am I??
I went for an 84 mile bike ride yesterday, had some decent hills, but nothing too major that was unmanageable. I got a bit of a later start than I wanted, but by then the rain had stopped and I wound up wearing too much clothing and trying to strip down and secure everything back on myself or my bike. Let's see, I had on: GoreTex shoe cover, shorts, tights, short-sleeved jersey, arm warmers and a rain jacket and two pairs of gloves. The under layer of gloves and the arm warmers were the first to go. Easy to stash. Then the jacket and the shoe covers. Not as easy. I was wearing a Camelbak too, so not sure if that helped or hindered my tucking. Needless to say, my super light bike was not so light with three full 24 oz water bottles, extra gear, my Camelback with about 40 oz of water and a couple snacks, my cell phone and Garmin GPS (in case I got realllly lost). But, on the plus side, I managed to ride with all that extra weight- so when IM rolls around in a few weeks and I'm down a couple pounds it should make it easier. I hope.
I started at my house in Maltby, rode towards Canyon Park (Bothell) up to Silver Lake, dropped down to the Snohomish Valley and rode to the edge of Everett, then looped around to Snohomish then followed the trail all the up to North Marysville.
I paused at a trail head in Lake Stevens to strip some gear and use the bathroom. And wouldn't you know. I ran into Barbara Brewer. I met her last weekend riding the same trail, but at the other end. We rode last weekend for awhile (in the rain) and talked. She is a former Pro Duathlete (8th at the World Championships in 1992?) She also has WON the Belfast marathon. It was definitely an honor to ride with her and hear her stories. Such an amazing, humble and delightful woman. So, imagine my shock when I saw her yesterday with her daughter and husband and she says "This is the Bri, the girl I was telling you about. The Ironman!" Wow. My only response "you're too kind- Ironman finisher... I'm not fast, I can just keep going!!" I'm really hoping I run into her again. Such an inspiration.
Anyway, I didn't get home until about 6:30 last night, which isn't late- except the entire day was gone and I'd eaten real food last at 8:30am- before Jacque and I went running! I laid around on the couch for awhile trying to get my head on straight and then finally put myself to bed around 9:30- only to stay up until after 11 messing around online and really accomplishing nothing. I kept telling myself to go to bed but I was at the super tired place where I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, plus, I was starting to hurt.
Amazingly, my shoulders are the only thing that hurt today! How does that work?? I know they hold a lot of weight while riding aero, but really? Are they that weak? Are my legs that much stronger than I thought?? Who knows. But my long swim tonight should help loosen them up :)
I started at my house in Maltby, rode towards Canyon Park (Bothell) up to Silver Lake, dropped down to the Snohomish Valley and rode to the edge of Everett, then looped around to Snohomish then followed the trail all the up to North Marysville.
I paused at a trail head in Lake Stevens to strip some gear and use the bathroom. And wouldn't you know. I ran into Barbara Brewer. I met her last weekend riding the same trail, but at the other end. We rode last weekend for awhile (in the rain) and talked. She is a former Pro Duathlete (8th at the World Championships in 1992?) She also has WON the Belfast marathon. It was definitely an honor to ride with her and hear her stories. Such an amazing, humble and delightful woman. So, imagine my shock when I saw her yesterday with her daughter and husband and she says "This is the Bri, the girl I was telling you about. The Ironman!" Wow. My only response "you're too kind- Ironman finisher... I'm not fast, I can just keep going!!" I'm really hoping I run into her again. Such an inspiration.
Anyway, I didn't get home until about 6:30 last night, which isn't late- except the entire day was gone and I'd eaten real food last at 8:30am- before Jacque and I went running! I laid around on the couch for awhile trying to get my head on straight and then finally put myself to bed around 9:30- only to stay up until after 11 messing around online and really accomplishing nothing. I kept telling myself to go to bed but I was at the super tired place where I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, plus, I was starting to hurt.
Amazingly, my shoulders are the only thing that hurt today! How does that work?? I know they hold a lot of weight while riding aero, but really? Are they that weak? Are my legs that much stronger than I thought?? Who knows. But my long swim tonight should help loosen them up :)
5/12/10
It's Only Life....
Kate Voegele:
Tears are forming in your eyes,
a storm is warning in the skies,
the end of the world it seems,
you bend down and you fall on your knees,
well get back on your feet ,yeah,
don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith,don't run away,
it's only life.
you were always playing hard,
never could let down your guard,
you can't win, if you never give in,
to that voice within, saying pick up your chin,
baby let go of it , yeah,
don't look away, don't run away ,
baby, it's only life.
don't lose your faith, don't run away,
baby it's only life.(repeat)
take your hesitance, and your self defense,
leave them behind, it's only life,
don't be so afraid of facing every day,
just take your time, it's only life,
i'll be your stepping stone, don't be so alone,
just hold on tight,it's only life,
oh..don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith, don't run away, baby, it's only life (repeat),
it's only life, it's only life,
don't look away...
Basically I love this song.
Tears are forming in your eyes,
a storm is warning in the skies,
the end of the world it seems,
you bend down and you fall on your knees,
well get back on your feet ,yeah,
don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith,don't run away,
it's only life.
you were always playing hard,
never could let down your guard,
you can't win, if you never give in,
to that voice within, saying pick up your chin,
baby let go of it , yeah,
don't look away, don't run away ,
baby, it's only life.
don't lose your faith, don't run away,
baby it's only life.(repeat)
take your hesitance, and your self defense,
leave them behind, it's only life,
don't be so afraid of facing every day,
just take your time, it's only life,
i'll be your stepping stone, don't be so alone,
just hold on tight,it's only life,
oh..don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith, don't run away, baby, it's only life (repeat),
it's only life, it's only life,
don't look away...
Basically I love this song.
5/11/10
It's the countdown!
So... my bday is in 31 days. One month from today I will be 30. And then a mere two weeks later, I will be making my second attempt at finishing an Ironman triathlon. Training has been tough, I'm not going to lie about that. It's hard. Every workout is hard- even the 'easy' ones. Getting motivated, getting enough to eat, eating quality food. And surprisingly- even getting enough sleep. One would think I'd be so exhausted I'd crash out for 8 hours and be good. Well, I am exhausted, but I also hurt and that doesn't always make it easy to sleep peacefully.
I'm also 29 and have friends. And sometimes these friends and I like to have a few beers and stay up too late going to movies, eating junk food and just enjoying life around the campfire until 2am. After which, I inevitably will be up by 7 or 8 and thinking about some epic workout. Even last Saturday I was up early- didn't eat breakfast, but enjoyed some coffee and went to help my mom clean the garage. After nearly passing out, around noon I finally ate a little then we headed up to the lake so I could swim. On my rest day. (The weather was beautiful, I had to). Home that night for a campfire and beers. Up early Sunday to begin eating for my 4 hour bike ride. I managed to get in a nice 70 miles over rollers. Loving it! Except the triangle sunburn on my right shoulder blade.
So, these are my peak weeks. And I'm trying not to spread myself too thin. I just need to remind myself it will all be worth it when I'm feeling good on the bike and ready to tackle the run. And then seeing my friends and family at the finish line and enjoying massive amounts of food the next day and taking a week off from training to enjoy summer in the PNW. There's nothing better!
I'm also 29 and have friends. And sometimes these friends and I like to have a few beers and stay up too late going to movies, eating junk food and just enjoying life around the campfire until 2am. After which, I inevitably will be up by 7 or 8 and thinking about some epic workout. Even last Saturday I was up early- didn't eat breakfast, but enjoyed some coffee and went to help my mom clean the garage. After nearly passing out, around noon I finally ate a little then we headed up to the lake so I could swim. On my rest day. (The weather was beautiful, I had to). Home that night for a campfire and beers. Up early Sunday to begin eating for my 4 hour bike ride. I managed to get in a nice 70 miles over rollers. Loving it! Except the triangle sunburn on my right shoulder blade.
So, these are my peak weeks. And I'm trying not to spread myself too thin. I just need to remind myself it will all be worth it when I'm feeling good on the bike and ready to tackle the run. And then seeing my friends and family at the finish line and enjoying massive amounts of food the next day and taking a week off from training to enjoy summer in the PNW. There's nothing better!
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