Life consumed

My life has become consumed with ridiculousness. I spend my days and weekends training and racing- and for what? I'm not getting any better, I'm not meeting new people, I'm not doing anything important with it. Why do I even do it? I have three relatively big events next year. February, June and November. I think that might be it. I need to work on being a better person. I need to work on the relationships I already if I ever want to have someone in my future. Some guys at work used to jokingly ask what was wrong with me that I was in my mid twenties and still single. Now I really do wonder. None of the men I've dated have fallen in love with me- but I also can't say that I ever loved any of them either. But why not? Why haven't I met someone that makes me want to skip a run or trade in endurance for more manageable distances. Why isn't there someone that makes me giddy? I thought there was, but over time I learned he wasn't. He had no interest in anything I did. At all.

I don't even know if I truly want that though. Every day I see people in relationships who aren't happy. Or they think they are because distance separates them and they don't know what is in store for them. People getting dragged places they have no desire to go because it's supposed to be a compromise. Since when does compromise mean being unhappy so much? I love that I have all my freedom, I just wish that there were someone to leave a note for. Someone to worry a little if I'm late getting back from a run.